Wo Ai Zhong Guo

What if?

Yes, it's been a while since I posted something.  It's not like I am short of material.  Trust me, every minute of every day presents a multitude of blog material.  So okay, I'm being lazy and I see no reason to stop being lazy, so I'm just going to refer you to an amusing piece from Gou Rou on the topic of what Beijing might be like after a nuclear attack.  It doesn't bear thinking about, but maybe you should have a quick read in case it actually happens, so you'll know what to expect.

And while I'm at it I must direct your attention to Pasty White Guy's horror story post about how he was scammed by a street shoe shine merchant.  It's stuff like that that makes me grateful I am not caucasian!

Culture Contamination

Sad news for coffee fans today following a fresh debate about whether or not the Starbucks at Beijing's Palace Museum (often referred to as the Forbidden City) should be allowed to continue to operate.  The argument is that the famous coffee house is a symbol of western food culture and as such, the historic site is an inappropriate plcae to operate.

I don't personally visit the Forbidden City often enough to be affected by the closure of this particular branch, which has been there since 2000, but I won't risk being accused of sitting on the fence so I'll say that in its present form (without any visible signage to cause an eyesore), I think it's a pretty harmless service to offer not just overseas visitors who require some refreshment but also for the even bigger contingent of Chinese visitors for whom a tall latte has become part of their daily rituals.

The culture contamination argument I feel is weak.  Chinese food culture is already "contaminated" by the hundreds of extremely busy McDonalds and KFC restaurants that scatter the nation.  It's not contamination, it's globalisation or cultural integration, in the same way that most sex toys you find in London are likely to be made in China (that's what people tell me anyhow!).  Well okay, perhaps that's a poor example but a better one might be that English people are more likely to order a Chinese or Indian takeaway than and English takeway meal and what's wrong with that?

How Many Does It Take?

I ordered coffee from Starbucks yesterday during a meeting.  Three guys showed up to deliver about 8 cups.  Fair enough I suppose, eight cups can be quite heavy!  Today I ordered just 4 cups and guess what - yes, the same 3 guys turned up with the coffees.  I could not contain my curiosity so I asked why it took 3 men to deliver 4 coffees and one of them replied that the other two were new.  Ah, that explains it!!

How Much Change?

I mentioned on my old blog site how some shop assistants have trouble even with basic arithmetic, the most extreme case being a CRC supermarket in Beijing where the total was 95 RMB, I gave her 100 and she got the calculator out to determine how much change to give me back.

Well, it happened again last week.  I was at a pool hall and we ordered a couple of drinks.  The total was 3.30 and we gave a 10 note.  The guy looked dazed and confused and eventually got the calculator out before hesitantly handing over some change, still unsure if it was correct.

The other interesting thing is that they seemed to be experimenting with making half of the pool hall into a nightclub, so all the lights we dimmed and there was a DJ playing the latest hip hop tracks to an empty hall.  But unfortunately, they didn't seem to be able to switch on the lights in the pool section without also putting the lights on in the club section, so they asked if we didn't mind playing in the dark (apart from the table light of course).  We weren't that bothered but it was interesting looking for cues in the dark.

Okay, so I have given away the punchline because of the amounts I mentioned earlier for the drinks, but never mind.  This wasn't China, it was the Centrepoint Snooker Club on New Oxford Street in London.  To be fair, in this case I think the lack of brain function was a result of an overindulgence in some kind of drugs earlier in the day.

Killing Me With Politeness

The first few days in England are always a bit odd after living in China.  Another blogger called it reverse culture shock and I think that's a great description.

The biggest adjustment is how polite everyone is in London.  I always do a lot of shopping when I'm back and everytime I almost bump into someone, I have to remember to say "excuse me" or "sorry" and they will invariably say "sorry" back.

In Shanghai by comparison, I've lost count of the times I've been virtually knocked off my feet my someone rushing to get past me and looked on in shock and anger as they continue onwards without showing even the slightest bit of remorse.

Also unexpected was the number of retail staff in London who after saying "thank you" proceeded to wish me a merry Christmas or happy new year.  Each time it happened I was so unprepared I quickly mumbled something that usually came out as gibberish.

There's politeness on the roads too.  I found it highly amusing when the oncoming vehicle stopped to allow our car to pass by, since the road was too narrow at that point for two cars to pass at the same time (quite common in London).  My brother was driving and he flashed his lights and waved to say thank you, then the other car driver waved to say thanks for saying thank you, and then my brother did one last wave, I guess to say thanks for saying thanks for saying thanks.  I'm not entirely sure the other driver would not have gone for one more wave had we not already passed him by that point!

I drove in Beijing for several years and observed driving "etiquette" in Shanghai also.  Here, the correct course of action is to speed up to ensure you get past first.  The oncoming driver will do the same, so that you end up in a Mexican standoff situation where you remain for several minutes until one of you realises the only way either of you are going home is if one of you backs down and reverses back a little so the other can get by.

All I can say is, I am so happy to be back in China so I can dispense with all that unnecessary politeness which to be frank is very tiresome!

A Matter Of Life and Death

So it's back home to the UK for Christmas as usual, which usually gives me even more opportunities to comment on the differences between China and, well, anywhere outside China!

It starts of course on the plane.  On the run up to Christmas, there are very few Chinese passengers travelling because most expats like myself return home for the festive season and book their tickets well in advance.  But there are always some Chinese passengers and it's therefore easy to make comparisons.

I guess the first thing that struck me was how the Chinese man opposite me clearly hadn't combed his hair at all that day and probably doesn't comb his hair any day of the week.  So there he was with his hair sticking up, a complete mess.  It's not uncommon to see Chinese men in the streets with hair all over the place.  Not just in China too be honest.  Maybe it's because we have thicker, more stubborn hair than most westerners.  But the interesting thing is not the contrast between Chinese men and their western "metrosexual" counterparts (who probably spend an hour or so every morning making sure their hair is perfect before leaving the house) but the comparison with Chinese women.  I say this because Chinese girls would never dream of walking out in public without fixing their hair.  I suppose it reflects the culture here that dictates that appearance is irrelevant for men but is vitally important for women.

The second thing that was noticeable on the flight was landing.  As soon as we touched the runway, the two Chinese people within my sight had turned on their mobiles and were checking and even replying to text messages as if their lives depended on it.  Not a single non-Chinese passenger had even got so far as looking at their mobile phones, nevermind turning it on.

Then came the announcement, first in English, then in Chinese and I watched as the Chinese man with the bad hair completely ignored the request NOT to turn on mobile phones until the plane had reached the gate.

What I don't understand is, what goes through his mind when he hears the announcement?  Does he think it applies only to every other passenger and not to him, because he's somehow more important than anyone else?  Or does he think it's all just boring rules that are made to be broken?  Or does he think it's probably only dangerous if everyone switches on their phones but it's fine if it's only him?

I guess I will never know, but if there are any Chinese readers who can explain this to me, I'll be most grateful.